“Life isn’t about finding yourself. It’s about creating yourself.”
–George Bernard Shaw, Author
One of the best attributes to our practice in the experience of the members.
I read the experience of a young woman named Eve Engel. She shares how this practice helps her mend her relationship with her mother after years of resentment. According to her, she and her mother constantly would constantly argue over the latter’s need to point out what she does for Eve. When she begins chanting, Eve chants for her mother’s happiness and hopes to mend her relationship with her mother. They now talk on a regular basis and she thanks Nichiren Buddhism for encouraging her to find the courage and wisdom needed to be friends with her mother.
As I read it, however, I feel my stomach twist up in knots. Eve’s story is similar to mine as far as the static between her and her mother. My mother and I also have had a tumultuous relationship while I was growing up, but in my case we have butted heads due to her abusive behavior towards me and my brothers. When my parents divorced, my father would drift in and out of my life to the point when I wouldn’t know when I’d see him. This only makes matters worse between Mom and I and until I finally leave home, we would often fight.
In retrospect, I see that we’ve misunderstood one another and the life she envisioned for me isn’t one I wanted for myself. I see how we’ve tried each other’s patience over mundane matters. But I am also aware that I’ve felt controlled, ridiculed and victimized by people who are supposed to allow me to express myself as long as no harm is done. As I have gotten older, I have grown bitter towards my parents and begin to point fingers and blame them for my misery, my aunt for my poor choice in partners, and my ADD for “not succeeding.” Whenever something major have happened in my life, I more often than not associate it with the time I have been slapped in the face or the time Dad has left home. And I have been able to get away with such nonsense in late teens and twenties.
But Eve states “I learned that one of the most liberating and most difficult aspects of Buddhism is that you can’t blame others for your problems. You have to choose to take positive action in your life if you want to see yourself reflected in your environment.”
Her experience encourages me to look at my mentality pertaining to responsibility. How many moments have I, as an adult, pointed fingers at supervisors, classmates, friends, and family members for my poor choices and mistakes? How many times have I wished someone would take care of me or be my parent because I’ve simply had enough of raising myself? How many opportunities have I missed out on due to the belief that my disorder would only make me look like a fool? I have my own set of problems, but I have allowed blame and my avoiding personal responsibility dictate my entire personality, my quality of life, and relationships with others.
Though there have been many instances when people have wronged me, there have been times that I’ve used my past to negate personal responsibility and deem myself a victim of my circumstances. If I am to have a well-rounded life, I have to look within myself and take ownership of whatever I’ve done to contribute to my current environment.
My Buddhist practice is teaching me that I have to stand on my own two feet emotionally and take responsibility for the changes I need to make in order to be happy.
The Chuck Taylor Buddhist 