Lukeshia Sullivan
YWD Chapter leader (Syracuse, New York)
My experience began a few weeks before we left for the 2010 Youth festival. I had been dealing with major health karma in the form of a very painful & uncooperative foot condition called plantar fasciitis and/or tendinitis.
I had been chanting to be able to stay on the dance team because the foot pain I had was so bad I couldn’t walk some days. So, I knew that dancing was out of the question. This year we are supposed to be making the impossible, possible. It seemed impossible to me to be able to learn the four dance routines without being able to (1) view the online teach videos because I didn’t have and couldn’t afford the internet at my house and (2) I was not able to practice as regularly as the other dancers because of the pain. So, I did feel defeated by my circumstances at one point and I was going to quit Dcrew (dance group) and join chorus.
The more I chanted about it, I thought about the inspirational poem Peace: The Foundation for Lasting Happiness by President Ikeda that the dance leader gave out the first practice. They told us to use the sensei’s words and spirit in the poem to keep us fighting during this challenging time. As the Dcrew—as a dance family—we determined together as sensei` says:
I, Too, advance with hope in my heart.
I advance with joy and vigor.
I will not be defeated!
I will not give up!
After re-reading that poem, I knew that dancing was in my heart and that it’s what I should be doing for the festival. I continued to chant diamoku with a sister-in-faith every morning and received guidance from other senior members. They encouraged me to take care of my health first, rest and not to overdo it. They motivated me to hang in there and dance if that was what I really wanted to do and for me to really think about how I wanted to take part in welcoming sensei` back to America.
So at the next Rock the Era meeting/practice that I attended, I made the determination to stay on the dance team, dance full out during each practice and to somehow learn all four dance routines. Even though I couldn’t practice as much as everyone else, I was going to do my best. I thought I had all obstacles beat, but then we were told that it would cost another $100 to go on the trip and I needed to somehow get it by the end of that week.
Usually that would have been enough to stop me and, with the foot injury, I would have had the excuse in my mind not to go. I would also have allowed it to stop me from challenging my social fears and health karma. I told myself over and over, that I am determined to go and that day I asked my mother if I could borrow the money not knowing how I would pay her back. But she supported me and I was on my way.
Before going to Philly, I was asked to be a core member. This meant I would need to know the African dance routine fully so that I could teach a group in Philly. When I had to teach my core upstate group first, I thought all kinds of doubts: “How do they expect me to teach a dance? “I haven’t been able to view the videos to learn myself!” “People aren’t going to like me because I can’t learn it fast enough” “I’m not going to be good at teaching it.” As you can see, all kinds of fundamental darkness came out and to the forefront. It did affect me but it didn’t stop me. I knew I was a stronger, more resolved Keshia than I was just 6 months earlier. It was a remarkable feeling and I knew at that point all I had to do was believe in myself and it would work out.
When we arrived in Philly, we were fueled with excitement even though we knew we had a long and trying weekend ahead of us. That evening we celebrated having so many youth together and unified with music, laughs and dance. We did a powerful, heart shaking evening Gongyo, was lead to our dorms, and told to rest up. Although not everyone got rooms as soon as they would have liked, no one complained. They just waited, made new friends in line and slept for the time they had once rooms were found. It was an amazing thing to see in person.
That morning it was sooo hot. We grabbed a quick breakfast and we were getting burned by the heat but we kind of laughed at the sun and went on our way. There was an uplifting morning gonyo with motivating speeches from Linda Johnson & Danny Nagashima. I was in awe to see them in person and of the fact that they came to our youth festival. Then we were off to start our hours of practice. I hurt my knee in landing on it wrong during a dance, so it was really bad and very painful. I spent most of the night in first aid. They said I possibly tore something. I could choose to still dance, but I would have to really rest it that night.
I think a big part that made my dancing spirit not be defeated by this pain was that my fellow upstate dance family came back, waited for me and walked with me, making sure that I didn’t hurt myself any further. Everyone was so supportive to one another it really touched my heart. I chanted that night to be able to finish. I didn’t have as much pain the next morning. I could walk well and I was amped to get to practice because the festival was that afternoon. During morning Gongyo I thought, Wow! Keshia, you went from being afraid to be around one person to dancing for sensei` and more than 10,000 people. So I danced full out with no pain and no fears, changing my health karma in a MONUMENTAL way.
I have now come full circle to the 2012 Ikeda Youth Ensemble festival in Boston. I had just become YWD Chapter leader and was being hit by obstacles one after the other. As we all know, when we are practicing correctly we stand up at some point to care for and encourage others in faith. We also encounter obstacles—internal and external. I originally hadn’t planned on participating in this year’s competition, but the spirit of the YWD in my area to unite motivated me to re-determine pass my self doubt. In doing so once at festival, I was then able to encourage YWD to take part in chorus in presence of their own self doubt about performing. I was reminded again of Sensei’s words:
I, too, advance with hope in my heart.
I advance with joy and vigor.
I will not be defeated!
I will not give up!
The Chuck Taylor Buddhist 